So I'm putting my portfolio together and Im sortve thinking :O 75% of my projects I just did to say they were done and now I've FUCKED myself over. (I'm almost certain I'm not alone on this.) And so I've been reflecting on this course throughout the year and I've realized that this is one of the few courses where I think what I as the student is more important than what the class gets out of me. In the sense of Normal English, the most important thing was that by April the course got a formal literate essay comparing two books, it doesn't matter that I learned an appreciate for Shakespeare or that I felt sympathy for the Joads who had lost everything in Grapes of Wrath, all that mattered was that I got the goddamn essay outline in and got a half decent mark on it.)
Now I supose every class I should have the attitude that I do with normal english... maybe not... but I supose if I had taken this class and thought, I'm going to write the best goddamn poem I've ever wrotten, and crap. Not like "Oh shit.... poem's due... *writes a half assed one*" I'd be in a much better position now.
Which actually reminds me of a conversation I had a couple weeks ago, to protect identities I'm going to refer to the fellow as Mitch.
Mitch: can't wait until next year, writers craft and Studies in Lit.
Me: You might not be able to take both, traditionally they happen at the same time.
Mitch: In that case I'll take WC next year and Studies in Lit my 5th year.
Me: If you're taking a 5th year you might as well take Studies in Lit next year.. you know how they always say to become a better writer you should read, read, read and analyze and reflect.
Mitch: Yeah, but I'm a pretty good writer now, I mean I won the laws of life essay contest.
Me: yeah but I mean you will probably do much better in WC after having a year to study and analyze literature, I mean I wish I wouldv'e done that.
Mitch: Maybe the course was a little heavy and hard for you, but like I said I won the LAWS OF LIFE ESSAY CONTEST I think I can handle it.
Me: Oh it isn't that I can't handle it, it's just that I would've been a stronger writer, in my opinion if I had studied more.
Mitch: Well, I do read now and I did win the laws of life essay contest so I think I'm as strong of writer as I'll ever be.
Me: STFU! No one cares that you won the goddamn laws of life essay contest, I won the freakign childrens lit category of the english awards but you dont hear me adding it to every sentance! *shoots in the shoulder* FUCKING TAKE STUDIES IN LIT B4 WRITIERS CRAFT, ITS THE MOST FUCKING LOGICAL COURSE OF ACTION AND IF YOU DON'T THE NEXT BULLET WILL GO THROUGH YOUR HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! :@ :@ :@ :@ :@ :@
Ok... so the last part didn't happen but that conversation Mitch really was annoying me, because he mentioned that he did infact win the laws of life essay contest, and that he didn't see my point that it may not affect his mark much in the course but it would greatly effect what he takes from WC if he took studies in lit first. Not that I regret taking WC this year, but sometimes I wonder....
perhaps incorrectly, but I'm sure I'm right. I always am.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
irrelevant blog.
I apologize for reverting back and not posting any legimate english type things but I haven't blogged in a while and I feel compelled to, but on the other hand I have not felt inspired to work on my story and unless I feel the burning desire of creativities flame from inside me my writing ends up turning out bad... I mean I wrote a paragraph for it and I'm like this is sooo dull and boring.... I think that is what seperates good from bad.
Good writing will remain compelling even when the situation is not some burning over the top moment of intrigue.... which makes me think of one of the most profound (and perhaps incorrect thing) I've heard reccently. "Plot is merely the device used to get themes across in writing." or in other words plot is neglible. Also this quotation wasn't from some ENG prof @ university land... it was actually said to me by a friend (who is taking Studies in Lit, granted).
Another interesting thing I heard about plot reccently was by George Elliot Clarke, who we were fortunate enough to have visit our school reccently... what he said was perhaps a cliche about writing but he said that all stories have already been told but what makes the stories come alive again is how you tell them and the characters you put in them.
He was a very remarkable reader, when he got going he was so into his words you couldn't help but stay focused on him and feel what he was feeling.
This also is a bit off topic, but I do feel a sort of need to include this too: there is a kitten near my bus stop who was hit and is now dead. He is not bloodied (to the best of my sight, I haven't taken a good look at him) so it just looks like he is lying there- innocently sleeping. I find it so sad that babies need to grow up in a world full of harm.
Good writing will remain compelling even when the situation is not some burning over the top moment of intrigue.... which makes me think of one of the most profound (and perhaps incorrect thing) I've heard reccently. "Plot is merely the device used to get themes across in writing." or in other words plot is neglible. Also this quotation wasn't from some ENG prof @ university land... it was actually said to me by a friend (who is taking Studies in Lit, granted).
Another interesting thing I heard about plot reccently was by George Elliot Clarke, who we were fortunate enough to have visit our school reccently... what he said was perhaps a cliche about writing but he said that all stories have already been told but what makes the stories come alive again is how you tell them and the characters you put in them.
He was a very remarkable reader, when he got going he was so into his words you couldn't help but stay focused on him and feel what he was feeling.
This also is a bit off topic, but I do feel a sort of need to include this too: there is a kitten near my bus stop who was hit and is now dead. He is not bloodied (to the best of my sight, I haven't taken a good look at him) so it just looks like he is lying there- innocently sleeping. I find it so sad that babies need to grow up in a world full of harm.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Chemistry
May 10th, 2007
Dear Chemistry,
I first met you two years ago however several differences we had kept us apart. It is not until recently that I have gotten to really know you and all your wonders; but there is something I must tell you. I'm leaving you, I've never liked you and infact I've hated you for so long. I thought I could use you and your position of power in life, but you are so boring, the time we've spent together- the early mornings, the late night rendezvous, the weekend we spent entirely together. All the time, I've hated you. You are so complex, I feel like we can't relate, you're like a mystery I cannot solve. Nor do I want to. I never wanted to be with you, and I'm leaving you
-Sincerely Traci
May 11th, 2007
Chemistry,
I apologize for the letter I sent you. I sent that out of anger and disgust. But I do need you, and I should hope we will soon get along because I will be spending much more time together in the future and that one day I will understand your rules and your manic fits of rage.
-Warmly Traci
Dear Chemistry,
I first met you two years ago however several differences we had kept us apart. It is not until recently that I have gotten to really know you and all your wonders; but there is something I must tell you. I'm leaving you, I've never liked you and infact I've hated you for so long. I thought I could use you and your position of power in life, but you are so boring, the time we've spent together- the early mornings, the late night rendezvous, the weekend we spent entirely together. All the time, I've hated you. You are so complex, I feel like we can't relate, you're like a mystery I cannot solve. Nor do I want to. I never wanted to be with you, and I'm leaving you
-Sincerely Traci
May 11th, 2007
Chemistry,
I apologize for the letter I sent you. I sent that out of anger and disgust. But I do need you, and I should hope we will soon get along because I will be spending much more time together in the future and that one day I will understand your rules and your manic fits of rage.
-Warmly Traci
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Wildlife In Baden
A small black squirrel
crosses the road:
Hopping; not walking.
He appears as a transverse wave.
I feel a typical sense of
distance and indifference.
A mother duck is walking,
her babies along the train tracks.
I'd like to hold them,
protect them,
tell them all will be all right.
But you have to let birds fly.
crosses the road:
Hopping; not walking.
He appears as a transverse wave.
I feel a typical sense of
distance and indifference.
A mother duck is walking,
her babies along the train tracks.
I'd like to hold them,
protect them,
tell them all will be all right.
But you have to let birds fly.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Doll Parts: Part 2
This is continued from part 1 which was 2 blogs ago.
I continued my day, sat at my desk: sometimes working; sometimes pretending to work but mostly not even bothering to try. Time ticked by and it was eventually time to go home.
Home. When I returned home, I put my now clean sheets into the dryer. I then flipped my mattress, grabbed my pillow and crashed on the bed. Today had worn me out so much, I just wanted to lie down, to sleep, to dream, to no longer be here. Then tears began to stream down my face, my much hated alternative. I had completely crashed, no warmth, no comfort for me tonight.
I think I loved her, and I'm sure she loved me. No, wait, I mean I know I loved her. Why am I even thinking this, there is no argument of whether we loved each other. We were married, we were together for sixteen, no.... seventeen years, and in that time there had to have been good times, joyful, tender loving moments. Then how come all I can remember are the I was unfaithful or the times I was short-tempered with her. I loved her so much, but I couldn't express it. Still, it couldn't have been that bad for her, why would she have stayed? Who am I kidding, I'm a horrible person and I must've made her life miserable. She was a saint, an angel for putting up with me for as long as she did. She was too good for me, too good for this world. I never should have allowed her to get close to me. I needed her love, but I didn't deserve it so she was taken away from me. I just wish she wasn't the one who had to suffer my abuse, that she didn't have to pay the ultimate price for loving one so undeserving.
My angel no longer hides. She stands before me; her innocent beauty untouched by time. She no longer smiles at me, just gazing, leering down at the pathetic creature I've become.
Please take me with you.
She shakes her head and looks at me disapprovingly and then vanishes. She leaves me again. Please don't leave, I can't do this without you.
Again I wake up to the blaring sound of an alarm, I get up and go to work. My week continues this way, I continue to live my life. I go to work, sometimes there on time, mostly not. Nothing of interest, just waiting. Waiting for Saturday.
Then Saturday comes and I didn't care, or at least I did not want to care. But I just keep thinking about all that has happened in the past few years and I feel so sick that I can hardly stand. Just seeing anyone else, anyone but her just doesn't feel right. I take a quick drink to calm my nerves, then look at the clock. Quarter to six.
Just fifteen minutes. I just need to get through fifteen minutes, if I can get through this then the worst will have passed. I begin to pace in my front corridor; how could I betray you like this? Forgive me, please. Not for my actions but for my intent.
My angel creeps from the shadows- watching me, judging me. She has this hurt angered look in her eyes. Please don't be too mad with me, please you must understand. I didn't want this! My angel, disgusted with me leaves. Fine! Go, I never loved you anyway. I don't need you.
Joseph's car pulled up to my drive way at that instant, and time stood still. I could hear my heart beating in my chest and throughout my entire entity. Go away, just please drive away and never come back. Come back, my darling angel come back and make them go away.
Honk, honk. The sound of the car horn taunts me like the allure of the sirens; filling me with fear and wonder. I slowly reach for my door's handle. I twist it and my heart stops. I pull the door open and I stand at my doorway, standing at the half way point.
I take a deep breath, “Don't worry this will soon be over and Joe will be able to be proud of himself or whatever for doing what he thinks is in my best interest.”
I continued my day, sat at my desk: sometimes working; sometimes pretending to work but mostly not even bothering to try. Time ticked by and it was eventually time to go home.
Home. When I returned home, I put my now clean sheets into the dryer. I then flipped my mattress, grabbed my pillow and crashed on the bed. Today had worn me out so much, I just wanted to lie down, to sleep, to dream, to no longer be here. Then tears began to stream down my face, my much hated alternative. I had completely crashed, no warmth, no comfort for me tonight.
I think I loved her, and I'm sure she loved me. No, wait, I mean I know I loved her. Why am I even thinking this, there is no argument of whether we loved each other. We were married, we were together for sixteen, no.... seventeen years, and in that time there had to have been good times, joyful, tender loving moments. Then how come all I can remember are the I was unfaithful or the times I was short-tempered with her. I loved her so much, but I couldn't express it. Still, it couldn't have been that bad for her, why would she have stayed? Who am I kidding, I'm a horrible person and I must've made her life miserable. She was a saint, an angel for putting up with me for as long as she did. She was too good for me, too good for this world. I never should have allowed her to get close to me. I needed her love, but I didn't deserve it so she was taken away from me. I just wish she wasn't the one who had to suffer my abuse, that she didn't have to pay the ultimate price for loving one so undeserving.
My angel no longer hides. She stands before me; her innocent beauty untouched by time. She no longer smiles at me, just gazing, leering down at the pathetic creature I've become.
Please take me with you.
She shakes her head and looks at me disapprovingly and then vanishes. She leaves me again. Please don't leave, I can't do this without you.
Again I wake up to the blaring sound of an alarm, I get up and go to work. My week continues this way, I continue to live my life. I go to work, sometimes there on time, mostly not. Nothing of interest, just waiting. Waiting for Saturday.
Then Saturday comes and I didn't care, or at least I did not want to care. But I just keep thinking about all that has happened in the past few years and I feel so sick that I can hardly stand. Just seeing anyone else, anyone but her just doesn't feel right. I take a quick drink to calm my nerves, then look at the clock. Quarter to six.
Just fifteen minutes. I just need to get through fifteen minutes, if I can get through this then the worst will have passed. I begin to pace in my front corridor; how could I betray you like this? Forgive me, please. Not for my actions but for my intent.
My angel creeps from the shadows- watching me, judging me. She has this hurt angered look in her eyes. Please don't be too mad with me, please you must understand. I didn't want this! My angel, disgusted with me leaves. Fine! Go, I never loved you anyway. I don't need you.
Joseph's car pulled up to my drive way at that instant, and time stood still. I could hear my heart beating in my chest and throughout my entire entity. Go away, just please drive away and never come back. Come back, my darling angel come back and make them go away.
Honk, honk. The sound of the car horn taunts me like the allure of the sirens; filling me with fear and wonder. I slowly reach for my door's handle. I twist it and my heart stops. I pull the door open and I stand at my doorway, standing at the half way point.
I take a deep breath, “Don't worry this will soon be over and Joe will be able to be proud of himself or whatever for doing what he thinks is in my best interest.”
Monday, April 30, 2007
Beginings of a Script
Ok, I said I would focus on my darned story for the rest of the year and only blog the story so I'd get it done but I lied. That's because I had this really sweet idea for a script that pins an antihero and a tragic hero against eachother. I don't think I was really able to keep that theme consistant or atleast strong but I do feel it's interlacedness does come somwhat across.
FYI: This is a first draft I typed up like half an hour ago and it doesn't end. Or that is to say I haven't typed up the ending.
The play begins with two characters on stage. Their setting can be interpreted as something tangible, like they're stuck on an elevator or something more metaphysical. Melissa is you're 'have it all' highschool student who is actively involved with any social event she can be a part of. Setarcos is really dressed down and grungy, no make-up or evidence of much time spent putting herself together. Also fight the any urges you may have to picture her as a goth because a part of her character is that she places no effort on clothing while people who dress in goth style logically (and to the best of my knowledge) focus a lot of their image. Kapeesh?
Melissa : I guess we're stuck here just you and me, eh?
Setarcos: Yeah... seems so.
Melissa: Looks like we aren't going anywhere. But hey at least-
Setarcos: Look, I don't really care.
Melissa: Oh ok... hmm, I know! if you were on a deserted island and you could only bring three things with you, what would you bring?
Setarcos: uhhh...Pardon?
Melissa: Haven't you ever played that game? If you were stuck on a dessert island what would you bring with you? It's supposed to be representative of the three most important things in your life, and it can be quite a riot. And I of course figured given the circumstances it would be a nice way to pass the time.
Setarcos: I'd bring a cellphone and call someone and tell them to get my ass of this friggin' island.
Melissa: Come now, you arn't even trying. If we're both stuck like this we may as well make the best of it.
Setarcos: Fine. I would bring... my guitar, naturally. Some water, and my cat.
Melissa: You're cat?
Setarcos: yeah my cat. You know four paws, says meow. Always there when you need them..
Melissa: Aww that's sweet. I have a kitty of my own, I love her she is sooo cute. You know what I'd like to bring, I'd my planner, because even though I would no longer be in the real world, I'd like to keep a small part of it. I'd also like to bring my bible with me, not just for the theological reasons but because it has a lot of sentimental value to it too, got it from my daddy. And, hmmm... I think I would bring with me... well I supose I'd bring a knife. Just to help if I needed to cut down some branches for some fire wood or shelter.
Setarcos: Well, you certainly do fit the mold. A schedule that keeps your life busy and meaningful, a family who adores their little scholar and clearly you have some religion in your life. Not to mention daddy's little girl is logical too, but tell me, where would you keep your knife? Hm? In those nice little panties of yours? No one- or no boy would ever look in there, not after you fucked every guy in school...
Melissa: ...cut that out...
Setarcos: including my boyfriend...
Melissa: ...You're being rude...
Setarcos: No one would want you now-
Melissa: now let me explain...
Setarcos: You'd know that if you weren't too busy living your goddamn white picket fence dream. Now how would daddy fell if he found out that you're as fake as all the rest of them? All smiles and rainbows on the outside but with an ugly tumor formed underneath, cheapening everything in this world.
Melissa: Listen! I'm trying the best I can to be a good person. You know, there is more to me than just student activities and parties-
Setracos: there's sleeping around-
Melissa: Shut up!
Setracos: Oh this cat has claws...
Melissa: I'm serious. Now you listen to me! It's my turn to speak. I wasn't always like this. I was once a nice, decent enough person. Then one day a bunch of your kind've people forced me into a locker, kicking and screaming, I was stuck in there for nearly an entire period. Yeah, sure of course the teachers saw, how could they not? They didn't care, I was no one back then. They must've figured I would toughen up from the experience and you know what? I did. I'm someone now, with friends, activities and more then you'll ever have. I had everything, everything but my revenge. Then I got that, the first day you walked into bio class with you black hair, black sweater, black skirt and black boots I knew you were one of them and I would finally get my revenge. Not on actual culprits, but it was just as well. Then when I found out who you were dating, my revenge became as easy as....
Setracos: ...judging someone you know nothing about? I don't know who you think “my people”are but I haven't ever had a social life. I have never been with any crowd. When I come into a class with you the first thing you think of what crowd I logically will fit into to. You know what, this is what my social life really is, working, doing homework and taking care of my mother who is too drunk to even know who I am most of the time. And you, prissy little bitch, dare tell me who I am! Beneath that make-up you're as ugly as any one else, how many faces would I need to go through to find the real you? I could destroy you. Just one good hit and you'd be on the ground, from there you'd quickly find your demise. Or I'd find it for you.
Melissa: Oh like I'd be scared so easily.
Melissa: I think this has gone far enough. I suppose I have been a bit harsh on you, but I suppose this is just a learning experience and part of growing up. I just hope you won't hold any ahrsh feelings towards me.
Setarcos: whatever.
Melissa
FYI: This is a first draft I typed up like half an hour ago and it doesn't end. Or that is to say I haven't typed up the ending.
The play begins with two characters on stage. Their setting can be interpreted as something tangible, like they're stuck on an elevator or something more metaphysical. Melissa is you're 'have it all' highschool student who is actively involved with any social event she can be a part of. Setarcos is really dressed down and grungy, no make-up or evidence of much time spent putting herself together. Also fight the any urges you may have to picture her as a goth because a part of her character is that she places no effort on clothing while people who dress in goth style logically (and to the best of my knowledge) focus a lot of their image. Kapeesh?
Melissa : I guess we're stuck here just you and me, eh?
Setarcos: Yeah... seems so.
Melissa: Looks like we aren't going anywhere. But hey at least-
Setarcos: Look, I don't really care.
Melissa: Oh ok... hmm, I know! if you were on a deserted island and you could only bring three things with you, what would you bring?
Setarcos: uhhh...Pardon?
Melissa: Haven't you ever played that game? If you were stuck on a dessert island what would you bring with you? It's supposed to be representative of the three most important things in your life, and it can be quite a riot. And I of course figured given the circumstances it would be a nice way to pass the time.
Setarcos: I'd bring a cellphone and call someone and tell them to get my ass of this friggin' island.
Melissa: Come now, you arn't even trying. If we're both stuck like this we may as well make the best of it.
Setarcos: Fine. I would bring... my guitar, naturally. Some water, and my cat.
Melissa: You're cat?
Setarcos: yeah my cat. You know four paws, says meow. Always there when you need them..
Melissa: Aww that's sweet. I have a kitty of my own, I love her she is sooo cute. You know what I'd like to bring, I'd my planner, because even though I would no longer be in the real world, I'd like to keep a small part of it. I'd also like to bring my bible with me, not just for the theological reasons but because it has a lot of sentimental value to it too, got it from my daddy. And, hmmm... I think I would bring with me... well I supose I'd bring a knife. Just to help if I needed to cut down some branches for some fire wood or shelter.
Setarcos: Well, you certainly do fit the mold. A schedule that keeps your life busy and meaningful, a family who adores their little scholar and clearly you have some religion in your life. Not to mention daddy's little girl is logical too, but tell me, where would you keep your knife? Hm? In those nice little panties of yours? No one- or no boy would ever look in there, not after you fucked every guy in school...
Melissa: ...cut that out...
Setarcos: including my boyfriend...
Melissa: ...You're being rude...
Setarcos: No one would want you now-
Melissa: now let me explain...
Setarcos: You'd know that if you weren't too busy living your goddamn white picket fence dream. Now how would daddy fell if he found out that you're as fake as all the rest of them? All smiles and rainbows on the outside but with an ugly tumor formed underneath, cheapening everything in this world.
Melissa: Listen! I'm trying the best I can to be a good person. You know, there is more to me than just student activities and parties-
Setracos: there's sleeping around-
Melissa: Shut up!
Setracos: Oh this cat has claws...
Melissa: I'm serious. Now you listen to me! It's my turn to speak. I wasn't always like this. I was once a nice, decent enough person. Then one day a bunch of your kind've people forced me into a locker, kicking and screaming, I was stuck in there for nearly an entire period. Yeah, sure of course the teachers saw, how could they not? They didn't care, I was no one back then. They must've figured I would toughen up from the experience and you know what? I did. I'm someone now, with friends, activities and more then you'll ever have. I had everything, everything but my revenge. Then I got that, the first day you walked into bio class with you black hair, black sweater, black skirt and black boots I knew you were one of them and I would finally get my revenge. Not on actual culprits, but it was just as well. Then when I found out who you were dating, my revenge became as easy as....
Setracos: ...judging someone you know nothing about? I don't know who you think “my people”are but I haven't ever had a social life. I have never been with any crowd. When I come into a class with you the first thing you think of what crowd I logically will fit into to. You know what, this is what my social life really is, working, doing homework and taking care of my mother who is too drunk to even know who I am most of the time. And you, prissy little bitch, dare tell me who I am! Beneath that make-up you're as ugly as any one else, how many faces would I need to go through to find the real you? I could destroy you. Just one good hit and you'd be on the ground, from there you'd quickly find your demise. Or I'd find it for you.
Melissa: Oh like I'd be scared so easily.
Melissa: I think this has gone far enough. I suppose I have been a bit harsh on you, but I suppose this is just a learning experience and part of growing up. I just hope you won't hold any ahrsh feelings towards me.
Setarcos: whatever.
Melissa
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Doll Parts: Part 1
I've decided I am going to dedicate the rest of my blogs this year (or a good deal of them) to writing the rough draft of a story. I figured I have this obligatory blog i have to do so I might as well put it to better use than reflecting on events in my life. Also this section will be larger than those to come because this is the cumulation of many months of undedicated effort. Also this is just a rough draft...
It had nearly been three years since I had last seen their faces, three years since my wife and child were killed in some freak car accident. Eh, you know Alena, my daughter would've entered her first year of high school just a few months ago. But I guess not every story ends with a “happily ever after.”
Some maniac decided decided to test the limits of his mortality by downing a bottle of gin then getting behind the wheel of a 1987 Honda Civic. There was hardly anything left to them as their still bodies were scraped from the pavement. It's quite remarkable how fragile people are created and yet it's remarkably tragic that they had to be created so fragile.
Their image from when I saw them in the morgue burns so magnificently in my head it casts a shadow over any other memory I may have had of them. They were laying completely still, strewn across a steel bed. Not a breath to be taken nor a word to be spoken.
Presently, I take a swig from a gin bottle that had been comfortably sat on a nightstand beside my bed, inviting me, tempting me. Quite ironic when you think of it, the one drink that has caused me so much pain is the only thing there is to get me through this never-ending loneliness.
Then I see her, my angel, my green eyed angel smiling down at me with her auburn curls hanging over her face. She will forever be beautiful in this moment. Then, smiling at me adoringly, her image takes a turn, it mutates into the disgusting creature, so beautiful, now twitching in death agony. What have I done? But why play such a game on me? Why appear so ugly. It's your fault, your fault! But please, I can't stay mad at you, as long as you remain in my company for a while. Please stay with me! I can't handle this alone. You can take care of me and I will protect you so this will never happen again, just please stay with me for awhile. Just a word, I can't stand this perpetual silence. I need to hear from you. Please.
Then I suppose this is our parting for now. We will meet again, I just hope you will stay with me.
I continue with my bottle, each shot down brings me one step closer to my euphoria, my nirvana. It may not be the most ideal way to spend my evenings but I prefer it over the alternatives I've had since. I soon find myself completely blacked-out. Here is peace, however artificial it may be.
I'm awakened several hours later to a blaring alarm clock, it enters through one ear and resonates in my skull for seemingly an eternity. As my head continues to pound, I realize that my lower half had become soaked in urine sometime during the night.
I turn off the alarm and strip my bed of the sheets. Then I head for the washroom where I strip myself down and shower.
“If you can make it through today, everything will be all right,” I know its complete and utter bullshit, but in spite of it, I still find those words comforting.
Water hits my face as I shower. It feels warm and comforting as it rushes passed my body and for a short while I forget everything. The only thing my brain is thinking at this moment it the here and now – the warmth surrounding every inch of my body, trickling down my spine, the steam that the hot water creates as it enters into my sinuses and welcomes me to the new day. The warmth, the safety. It never lasts, after only a few minutes I'm brushed back out into the harsh reality of a cold brisk day.
I dry off and get dressed. I check myself in the mirror, I hate what I see. The once well fitted suit now comically hangs off of my limbs. I am nothing, merely a ghost of a man that I used to be. I hate you.
I rub my fingers over my eyes and swallow hard, “just make it through the day and everything will be all right, just make it through the day and everything will be all right, just make it through the day...” sometimes the words do nothing to comfort me at all.
After a brief commute to work, I show up late I show up late with the gin still strong on my breath. Late to work, as usual. Not like they care, I could disappear for a week and they wouldn't care, they wouldn't even notice. They've treated me different since the accident, they've treated me differently.
Once their powerful boss, when I walked in a room a demanded attention and respect, now they just treat me like a charity case, like I'm some sort of lost soul. Lost soul? Perhaps- more likely a lost cause. I walk past some co-workers who look at me with piteous eyes, but I know as soon as I'm passed they'll continue with their nonchalant gossip.
“Hey Richard,” my friend Joseph greets me with open arm.
I accept his embrace but I make no attempt to return the affection.
“Listen,” he begins, “I know this last while really hasn't been easy on you.”
I look at him blankly and mutter, “you don't say.”
He begins to look as he realizes he's dug himself into a nice little hole. Why hasn't he realized yet that I don't want his charity, “well just my wife and I were going out this Saturday at seven and she thought it would be fun if she brought along a friend. So I was thinking if you didn't have any other plans then perhaps you would want to come along?”
I just stare coldly at him. How could he do this to me, what would make him think I wanted this? I stood silently, my gaze growing increasingly cold.
“I knew this was a bad idea,” he began, “just my wife has this idea... that everyone should have someone... and no one should be alone.”
“I'm not alone,” I say, signally towards the a half empty bottle in my coat pocket.
Pretending not to hear me he continued, “and she was just thinking that it would be good for the two of you to have a fun night together. I mean, well just nevermind. Pretend like it never happened. I feel like such a jerk for even asking. Just pretend it never happened.”
I do sometimes pretend it never happened, in fact. I really do try, but the fact is it did happen and my imagination is wearing thin; and there is not enough imagination in all of the fairy tales we're told growing up to change the facts.
Joseph by now was practically shaking. Poor bastard. He was afraid, but it isn't like he didn't deserve it. He and his wife, in fact had never had a conversation like what he was saying, in fact his wife didn't say anything. How did I know? Simply put, she hated me. If she would have her way, Joseph would never see me other than professionally again. Then, why was he offering me this. What could his angle be? I had to find out.
“All right, pick me up at six. But this girl, what is she like?” I asked. I didn't really care, I just wanted to know.
He chuckled nervously and told me I would have to wait until saturday night to find out.
It had nearly been three years since I had last seen their faces, three years since my wife and child were killed in some freak car accident. Eh, you know Alena, my daughter would've entered her first year of high school just a few months ago. But I guess not every story ends with a “happily ever after.”
Some maniac decided decided to test the limits of his mortality by downing a bottle of gin then getting behind the wheel of a 1987 Honda Civic. There was hardly anything left to them as their still bodies were scraped from the pavement. It's quite remarkable how fragile people are created and yet it's remarkably tragic that they had to be created so fragile.
Their image from when I saw them in the morgue burns so magnificently in my head it casts a shadow over any other memory I may have had of them. They were laying completely still, strewn across a steel bed. Not a breath to be taken nor a word to be spoken.
Presently, I take a swig from a gin bottle that had been comfortably sat on a nightstand beside my bed, inviting me, tempting me. Quite ironic when you think of it, the one drink that has caused me so much pain is the only thing there is to get me through this never-ending loneliness.
Then I see her, my angel, my green eyed angel smiling down at me with her auburn curls hanging over her face. She will forever be beautiful in this moment. Then, smiling at me adoringly, her image takes a turn, it mutates into the disgusting creature, so beautiful, now twitching in death agony. What have I done? But why play such a game on me? Why appear so ugly. It's your fault, your fault! But please, I can't stay mad at you, as long as you remain in my company for a while. Please stay with me! I can't handle this alone. You can take care of me and I will protect you so this will never happen again, just please stay with me for awhile. Just a word, I can't stand this perpetual silence. I need to hear from you. Please.
Then I suppose this is our parting for now. We will meet again, I just hope you will stay with me.
I continue with my bottle, each shot down brings me one step closer to my euphoria, my nirvana. It may not be the most ideal way to spend my evenings but I prefer it over the alternatives I've had since. I soon find myself completely blacked-out. Here is peace, however artificial it may be.
I'm awakened several hours later to a blaring alarm clock, it enters through one ear and resonates in my skull for seemingly an eternity. As my head continues to pound, I realize that my lower half had become soaked in urine sometime during the night.
I turn off the alarm and strip my bed of the sheets. Then I head for the washroom where I strip myself down and shower.
“If you can make it through today, everything will be all right,” I know its complete and utter bullshit, but in spite of it, I still find those words comforting.
Water hits my face as I shower. It feels warm and comforting as it rushes passed my body and for a short while I forget everything. The only thing my brain is thinking at this moment it the here and now – the warmth surrounding every inch of my body, trickling down my spine, the steam that the hot water creates as it enters into my sinuses and welcomes me to the new day. The warmth, the safety. It never lasts, after only a few minutes I'm brushed back out into the harsh reality of a cold brisk day.
I dry off and get dressed. I check myself in the mirror, I hate what I see. The once well fitted suit now comically hangs off of my limbs. I am nothing, merely a ghost of a man that I used to be. I hate you.
I rub my fingers over my eyes and swallow hard, “just make it through the day and everything will be all right, just make it through the day and everything will be all right, just make it through the day...” sometimes the words do nothing to comfort me at all.
After a brief commute to work, I show up late I show up late with the gin still strong on my breath. Late to work, as usual. Not like they care, I could disappear for a week and they wouldn't care, they wouldn't even notice. They've treated me different since the accident, they've treated me differently.
Once their powerful boss, when I walked in a room a demanded attention and respect, now they just treat me like a charity case, like I'm some sort of lost soul. Lost soul? Perhaps- more likely a lost cause. I walk past some co-workers who look at me with piteous eyes, but I know as soon as I'm passed they'll continue with their nonchalant gossip.
“Hey Richard,” my friend Joseph greets me with open arm.
I accept his embrace but I make no attempt to return the affection.
“Listen,” he begins, “I know this last while really hasn't been easy on you.”
I look at him blankly and mutter, “you don't say.”
He begins to look as he realizes he's dug himself into a nice little hole. Why hasn't he realized yet that I don't want his charity, “well just my wife and I were going out this Saturday at seven and she thought it would be fun if she brought along a friend. So I was thinking if you didn't have any other plans then perhaps you would want to come along?”
I just stare coldly at him. How could he do this to me, what would make him think I wanted this? I stood silently, my gaze growing increasingly cold.
“I knew this was a bad idea,” he began, “just my wife has this idea... that everyone should have someone... and no one should be alone.”
“I'm not alone,” I say, signally towards the a half empty bottle in my coat pocket.
Pretending not to hear me he continued, “and she was just thinking that it would be good for the two of you to have a fun night together. I mean, well just nevermind. Pretend like it never happened. I feel like such a jerk for even asking. Just pretend it never happened.”
I do sometimes pretend it never happened, in fact. I really do try, but the fact is it did happen and my imagination is wearing thin; and there is not enough imagination in all of the fairy tales we're told growing up to change the facts.
Joseph by now was practically shaking. Poor bastard. He was afraid, but it isn't like he didn't deserve it. He and his wife, in fact had never had a conversation like what he was saying, in fact his wife didn't say anything. How did I know? Simply put, she hated me. If she would have her way, Joseph would never see me other than professionally again. Then, why was he offering me this. What could his angle be? I had to find out.
“All right, pick me up at six. But this girl, what is she like?” I asked. I didn't really care, I just wanted to know.
He chuckled nervously and told me I would have to wait until saturday night to find out.
Monday, April 23, 2007
New York (How to read a book in 5 days)/Rant about Online School
So like many other students I reccently visited NY. It was sweet I had so much fun... but sadly enough my favourite part about the trip was that I had a lot of time to read (bus ride there, bus ride back and daily commutes).
But New York was so much fun, my fav part was going to Madame Tussauds, that or the pirate queen (even though most people didn't like it)
And frig, I started reading Valley of the Dolls and it's one of the most compelling and capitivating books I've read in a long time.
Anyways, I'm really avoiding my chemistry homework right now, but I really don't like this course. It's an online one and I'm honestly not learning anything from it but it gives a lot of simple assignments/test questions so you can pass the course without knowing what is happening. Like I had an assignment where I had to choose "my favourtie car" and list 4 metals found in it and their purpose and I did it so half assed like
"Chrome - for shiney rims" and I got 100% on it. And I had a multiple choice question (that wasn't a trick one) that asked what precaution I should take if a chemical is an "Eye irritant".
But New York was so much fun, my fav part was going to Madame Tussauds, that or the pirate queen (even though most people didn't like it)
And frig, I started reading Valley of the Dolls and it's one of the most compelling and capitivating books I've read in a long time.
Anyways, I'm really avoiding my chemistry homework right now, but I really don't like this course. It's an online one and I'm honestly not learning anything from it but it gives a lot of simple assignments/test questions so you can pass the course without knowing what is happening. Like I had an assignment where I had to choose "my favourtie car" and list 4 metals found in it and their purpose and I did it so half assed like
"Chrome - for shiney rims" and I got 100% on it. And I had a multiple choice question (that wasn't a trick one) that asked what precaution I should take if a chemical is an "Eye irritant".
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Writing
Ok so today I was writing an article for my philosophy magazine and I started it off with and list and went typing away writing this article. The I got to thinking about the other article I wrote, started of with another damn list. And the more I thought of it the more I realized I rely on lists far too much in my writing (espcially as leads) but I also use them for titles, endings, filler and nearly any part of my writing. I also thought back to previous time I've held onto the clutch of lists and I realized I use them in nearly all my writing, I used them in my speech last year, in my summative essay last year and in countless writing projects i've done this year, Ive probably even used them in blogs!
Har har. I sure hope you enjoyed that irony as much as I did. O_o Because if you did it wasn't that much.
Har har. I sure hope you enjoyed that irony as much as I did. O_o Because if you did it wasn't that much.
Monday, April 16, 2007
The past week or so
Ok so within this past week I worked my last shift at Tim Hortons (Im free!) and I felt a lot of things on my last shift like "aww Imma miss you guys!" , and "Hmm, Today is my last shift and you just made me very glad it was my last shift.
And it was so funny because people got me a happy meal and ther was another happy meal toy in the staff room and i put them in compromising positisions and tookk pictures on someones phone (I have no life) also if you can't tell I'm blooging this from school and I'm typing faster than the computer can proccess the information and Ive given u[ on going back and fixing typos (I might fix those at the end).
Also Im blogging from school because our internet at home got cut off because of al ong complicated mix up at the phone company, our phone was cut off and it's really stupid because we've been paying our [phone bills but no the right ones. O_o
One more thing of consequence this week (other than NYC!!! WOO!!!) is that Kurt Vonnegut died, which kinda sucks because he was sort've my writing inspiration and role model and junk.. but I'm not sad because in all honesty he wanted to die. Like he is quoted having said "Smoking cigars is my classy way of commiting suicide" (and despite the quoationg marks that isn't a direct quote because the last thing this computer needs is another open window! Also in one an interview he had had on the CBC he was apparently like "why arn't I dead yet?!?!" and this was prolly a year ago atleas.t Anyways I'm going to stop talking about this now because Im really not good at respecting the dead and this is suppose to just be a summary of what been going on but it's turned into like a pseduo stream of conscious until just a second ago when the computer messed up a lot. Tooddle! <3
And it was so funny because people got me a happy meal and ther was another happy meal toy in the staff room and i put them in compromising positisions and tookk pictures on someones phone (I have no life) also if you can't tell I'm blooging this from school and I'm typing faster than the computer can proccess the information and Ive given u[ on going back and fixing typos (I might fix those at the end).
Also Im blogging from school because our internet at home got cut off because of al ong complicated mix up at the phone company, our phone was cut off and it's really stupid because we've been paying our [phone bills but no the right ones. O_o
One more thing of consequence this week (other than NYC!!! WOO!!!) is that Kurt Vonnegut died, which kinda sucks because he was sort've my writing inspiration and role model and junk.. but I'm not sad because in all honesty he wanted to die. Like he is quoted having said "Smoking cigars is my classy way of commiting suicide" (and despite the quoationg marks that isn't a direct quote because the last thing this computer needs is another open window! Also in one an interview he had had on the CBC he was apparently like "why arn't I dead yet?!?!" and this was prolly a year ago atleas.t Anyways I'm going to stop talking about this now because Im really not good at respecting the dead and this is suppose to just be a summary of what been going on but it's turned into like a pseduo stream of conscious until just a second ago when the computer messed up a lot. Tooddle! <3
Monday, April 09, 2007
Hikikomori
I feel like I've been blogging a lot lately but that is ok. Tonight my brother sent me a weird online story that is in the form of exchanging letters of two people who are "Hikikomori" (Wikipedia defines Hikikomori as : "pulling away, being confined," i.e., "acute social withdrawal" is a Japanese term to refer to the phenomenon of reclusive adolescents and young adults who have chosen to withdraw from social life, often seeking extreme degrees of isolation and confinement due to various personal and social factors in their lives. The term "hikikomori" refers to both the sociological phenomenon in general as well as to individuals belonging to this societal group.
Which I also had to learn to understand the story. It is really weird and gets stranger as it passes. It is posted online so I will have a link at the end but on page 38 the one character Tao decides the he is dead and a dog is now typing for him and such isolation from emotions, yet sadness is displayed through there letters.
This quotation is from the "dog" :
The story later moves on two the two characters just expressing themselves through stories about an ugly fish. It's not a difficult read and it is somewhat like myspace where once you start you sort've get sucked in.
http://www.bearparade.com/hikikomori/2007/04/01.html
Which I also had to learn to understand the story. It is really weird and gets stranger as it passes. It is posted online so I will have a link at the end but on page 38 the one character Tao decides the he is dead and a dog is now typing for him and such isolation from emotions, yet sadness is displayed through there letters.
This quotation is from the "dog" :
i'm typing you this to practice my blogging skillset. i have no interest in human emotion and actually feel massive indifference in binary form when considering your loss. though i feel no human emotions and am not a truly sentient being i believe that i would make a good friend to you. will you please be my friend? i just evolved the ability to feel loneliness. i feel very lonely. will you please be my friend?
The story later moves on two the two characters just expressing themselves through stories about an ugly fish. It's not a difficult read and it is somewhat like myspace where once you start you sort've get sucked in.
http://www.bearparade.com/hikikomori/2007/04/01.html
Friday, April 06, 2007
English Essay
So I'm working on my ISU English essay (procrastinating right now, actually :) )
And I was editing all my Literate references out of past tense, and it's really making me depressed.
Let me explain why, the Literary proof I was using was about this man who IS depressed and Kills himself. I had put that he was depressed and did kill himself, which is slightly more cheerful that the correct version. Why?
Because in the correct version he is like a ghost who is forced to go over his most despairing life over and over again, trapped forever; perpetually killing himself but never dying.
It's actually reminding my of this one Red Maple book I read in grade 8 called Stones, if any of you would have read it. Where this Woman from Haiti is brutally murdered and is haunting the area where she is killed, forever stuck in limbo and she is forced to relive her brutal murder every night.
So writing my essay with infinite participle (lol, I don't think it's actually called that) makes it seem as though the man is stuck with the same fate.
Although really... I'm just being dramatic/overly poetic because both character are just characters from stories and are not real and never have and never will have to suffer being so depressed that you kill yourself or being brutally murdered.
Anyways, I've procrastinated on my essay long enough that it is time to go to work.
And I was editing all my Literate references out of past tense, and it's really making me depressed.
Let me explain why, the Literary proof I was using was about this man who IS depressed and Kills himself. I had put that he was depressed and did kill himself, which is slightly more cheerful that the correct version. Why?
Because in the correct version he is like a ghost who is forced to go over his most despairing life over and over again, trapped forever; perpetually killing himself but never dying.
It's actually reminding my of this one Red Maple book I read in grade 8 called Stones, if any of you would have read it. Where this Woman from Haiti is brutally murdered and is haunting the area where she is killed, forever stuck in limbo and she is forced to relive her brutal murder every night.
So writing my essay with infinite participle (lol, I don't think it's actually called that) makes it seem as though the man is stuck with the same fate.
Although really... I'm just being dramatic/overly poetic because both character are just characters from stories and are not real and never have and never will have to suffer being so depressed that you kill yourself or being brutally murdered.
Anyways, I've procrastinated on my essay long enough that it is time to go to work.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Ten things you will never...
Ten things you will never hear me say to a teacher.(Point of interest this is inspired on stand-up comedy I watched that was like "Things you will never hear anyone in my apartment say, and it was funny like ex"Mmm fresh milk!" . So Im hoping to emulate it and it will result in comical results! And it very well could be less than 10)
So remember it's:(maybe) Ten things you will never hear me say to a teacher
1; Only 87%, that's going to bring down my average so much!
2; Ah, that homework was so fun, I only wished you would've assigned more.
3; Wow! Mr. Cvetich that's fascinating! (It's funny because it's a cheap shot)
4; I think we've been given too much class time for this. Could we move on?
5; Don't worry, she won't find out. (Two notes, this is tings I will NEVER say to a teacher and also I decided a more subtle approach... so it may not be too straight forward)
6; OMG! Copernicus has a heliocentric view of the universe, you! How dare you stand up at the front of the class and make reference to the changing views of the universe while thinking Copernicus had a geocentric view! omg omg omg omg omg!!! GRRR!!!! >:O (Note, I can't think of any more funny ones so I put down what I was thinking the one day in one of my classes when a teacher of mine mentioned "Copernicus's geocentric view of the universe" But naturally I didn't want to disrupt the class and shame the teacher. So it is something I will never say to a teacher :))
7; An hour and fifteen minutes is never a long enough time.
8; Here's my homework, on time and completed.
9; I remember you mentioned you liked bananas, so I made you some fresh homemade muffins from scratch.
10; Just a second, just let me finish reading this scene. (Of Shakespeare, naturally)
So.. I got through ten. Yay.
So remember it's:(maybe) Ten things you will never hear me say to a teacher
1; Only 87%, that's going to bring down my average so much!
2; Ah, that homework was so fun, I only wished you would've assigned more.
3; Wow! Mr. Cvetich that's fascinating! (It's funny because it's a cheap shot)
4; I think we've been given too much class time for this. Could we move on?
5; Don't worry, she won't find out. (Two notes, this is tings I will NEVER say to a teacher and also I decided a more subtle approach... so it may not be too straight forward)
6; OMG! Copernicus has a heliocentric view of the universe, you! How dare you stand up at the front of the class and make reference to the changing views of the universe while thinking Copernicus had a geocentric view! omg omg omg omg omg!!! GRRR!!!! >:O (Note, I can't think of any more funny ones so I put down what I was thinking the one day in one of my classes when a teacher of mine mentioned "Copernicus's geocentric view of the universe" But naturally I didn't want to disrupt the class and shame the teacher. So it is something I will never say to a teacher :))
7; An hour and fifteen minutes is never a long enough time.
8; Here's my homework, on time and completed.
9; I remember you mentioned you liked bananas, so I made you some fresh homemade muffins from scratch.
10; Just a second, just let me finish reading this scene. (Of Shakespeare, naturally)
So.. I got through ten. Yay.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Reading
School is really getting inconvenient and it is interrupting my reading I mean my "To Read" list keeps growing and growing and I do do most of my reading in the summer granted (10 book summer as I call it) but at this rate it will need to be like a 30+ Book summer, and I'm going to summer school! This is really not fun. In anycase I though I would bore you all with my "To Read List". And they will be in order of how much I'd like to read them, naturally.
1; Valley of The Dolls - From what I've heard of it, it seems interesting and perhaps its the saddist in my but I like books about self destruction. O_o
2; Foucault's Pendulum - One of my favourite animes (haha *neeerrrddd*) is said to be based off of it to one extent or another and after reading a bit about it, it really intrigues me.
3; Ender's Series from Xenocide on - My brother first got my hooked on this series, and then I got a friend hooked. Anyways as it turns out I really like it. I mean it deals with issues of philosophy, and theology(to a lesser extent) and is such so well written. Mind you out of the two and a half I've read so far I liked Ender's Game (first) best.
4; The Space Odyssey Series - I'm a nerd wanna fight about it?
5; The Hitcher's guide series- My friend has been raving about it for years, and I've owned the complete series for prolly a year (I found it at the thrift store for $2).
6; Many Douglas Coupland novels - I started reading all Families are psychotic and I found myself hooked within the first 6 pages, and Coupland is such an eccentric person and writer.
......
94542; The Constant Gardener - The book that has become a fascist in my reading schedule because of this class. No offence to the book, I'm sure once I get into it I will enjoy it but I'm on page 60 or something and all that has happened a lot of talking and establishing of characters and character relationships. Also I know I could easily choose another book but this book is part murder mystery so... maybe Hannibal Lecteur will be at the root of it all (Like all good crime solving novels? Sherlock Holmes? Forget about it)
1; Valley of The Dolls - From what I've heard of it, it seems interesting and perhaps its the saddist in my but I like books about self destruction. O_o
2; Foucault's Pendulum - One of my favourite animes (haha *neeerrrddd*) is said to be based off of it to one extent or another and after reading a bit about it, it really intrigues me.
3; Ender's Series from Xenocide on - My brother first got my hooked on this series, and then I got a friend hooked. Anyways as it turns out I really like it. I mean it deals with issues of philosophy, and theology(to a lesser extent) and is such so well written. Mind you out of the two and a half I've read so far I liked Ender's Game (first) best.
4; The Space Odyssey Series - I'm a nerd wanna fight about it?
5; The Hitcher's guide series- My friend has been raving about it for years, and I've owned the complete series for prolly a year (I found it at the thrift store for $2).
6; Many Douglas Coupland novels - I started reading all Families are psychotic and I found myself hooked within the first 6 pages, and Coupland is such an eccentric person and writer.
......
94542; The Constant Gardener - The book that has become a fascist in my reading schedule because of this class. No offence to the book, I'm sure once I get into it I will enjoy it but I'm on page 60 or something and all that has happened a lot of talking and establishing of characters and character relationships. Also I know I could easily choose another book but this book is part murder mystery so... maybe Hannibal Lecteur will be at the root of it all (Like all good crime solving novels? Sherlock Holmes? Forget about it)
Sunday, March 11, 2007
I <3 people.
That was sarcastic. Just because I'm going to rant about this one bitch I had to deal with at work today. I don't actually haaaate people because I got a lot of friendly people today too.
Anyways I was in drive thru and this is how out convo goes:
Recording: Welcome to Tim Hortons can I take you order please?
*Long awkward pause*
Me: Hi, can I take you order please?
Her: Can I have a plain bagel toasted with-
Me: I'm sorry, we are all out of plain would you like a sesame or whole wheat?
Her: Ok then I'll get an... umm... onion wait no did you say you had sesame? No I'll get a whole wheat. No, cancel that I'll get...
(I'm not going to type it out but it goes on like this for several more bagels, and then she gets rid of some and then adds more)
*at the window, Traci is a bit irritated, but she's not going to rude but at the same time she isn't going to be ridiculously nice and polite, and she deals with the customer*
Customer: Pardon me, I had 3 bagels. Why did you give me 4?
Me: I'm sorry there must've been a mistake in your order.
Customer: I don't see why you would think I'd want 4 bagels when there's only three of us in the car.
Me: I'm sorry,but it's not like I can see into your car from here, and I'm not physic. If you could just give me the extra bagel and a second I will get you your change.
Customer: I don't remember what she says but it was likely something like 'I'm a dirty cunt and these are my bastard children' (actually it was just her yelling at how impolite I was and how I don't deserver to work with the public)
Me: here you are and sorry about that *slams window*
**customer remains idle at window**
Me: Was there something else you needed?
Customer: Yeah, I want you to apologize to me RIGHT NOW!!
Me: I don't see why I should apologize when you have been yelling at me while I've been trying to help you through the whole ordeal.
Customer: I've been raising me voice?!?!?! Here I am trying to keep my cool and while you say 'fuck' infront of my young kids! Let me speak to your manager!
Me: The manager isn't in but one of the super-
Customer: I don't care just let me to her now.
Supervisor: Was there something I can help you with?
Customer: Yes, Give me the number of the manager, the owner or something and the first and last name of her. Someone as rude as her doesn't deserve to be working with the public, and she swore in front of my young kids and over charged me for my bagels. And I'm not leaving until I get an apology, I have never been treated so rudely in my entire life!!!!
Supervisor If you have a problem call this number tomorrow and you can speak with the manager or owner
Her: I still want an apology.
Me I'm sorry and have a *great* day.
**is actually thinking, I'm sorry your kids have such a psycho bitch as a mother**
**Customer leaves**
Supervisor: Don't worry, I know you didn't do anything wrong and if the manager asks me I'll let her know what actually happened.
Next Customer: maaann.... what a bitch. I hope you spat in her food.
Me: Oh I was tempted, sorry to keep you waiting.
and so it went.
PS: For those of you who know me and know that I do have a dirty habit of swearing without thinking about it, I asked the supervisor who was right there the entire time if I swore, and she said no.
Anyways I was in drive thru and this is how out convo goes:
Recording: Welcome to Tim Hortons can I take you order please?
*Long awkward pause*
Me
Her: Can I have a plain bagel toasted with-
Me: I'm sorry, we are all out of plain would you like a sesame or whole wheat?
Her: Ok then I'll get an... umm... onion wait no did you say you had sesame? No I'll get a whole wheat. No, cancel that I'll get...
(I'm not going to type it out but it goes on like this for several more bagels, and then she gets rid of some and then adds more)
*at the window, Traci is a bit irritated, but she's not going to rude but at the same time she isn't going to be ridiculously nice and polite, and she deals with the customer*
Customer: Pardon me, I had 3 bagels. Why did you give me 4?
Me: I'm sorry there must've been a mistake in your order.
Customer
Me
Customer: I don't remember what she says but it was likely something like 'I'm a dirty cunt and these are my bastard children' (actually it was just her yelling at how impolite I was and how I don't deserver to work with the public)
Me
**customer remains idle at window**
Me
Customer: Yeah, I want you to apologize to me RIGHT NOW!!
Me: I don't see why I should apologize when you have been yelling at me while I've been trying to help you through the whole ordeal.
Customer: I've been raising me voice?!?!?! Here I am trying to keep my cool and while you say 'fuck' infront of my young kids! Let me speak to your manager!
Me: The manager isn't in but one of the super-
Customer: I don't care just let me to her now.
Supervisor
Customer: Yes, Give me the number of the manager, the owner or something and the first and last name of her. Someone as rude as her doesn't deserve to be working with the public, and she swore in front of my young kids and over charged me for my bagels. And I'm not leaving until I get an apology, I have never been treated so rudely in my entire life!!!!
Supervisor
Her: I still want an apology.
Me
**is actually thinking, I'm sorry your kids have such a psycho bitch as a mother**
**Customer leaves**
Supervisor: Don't worry, I know you didn't do anything wrong and if the manager asks me I'll let her know what actually happened.
Next Customer: maaann.... what a bitch. I hope you spat in her food.
Me: Oh I was tempted, sorry to keep you waiting.
and so it went.
PS: For those of you who know me and know that I do have a dirty habit of swearing without thinking about it, I asked the supervisor who was right there the entire time if I swore, and she said no.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Tv
I'm not impressed with the tv today.
Two Reasons:
Doctor Phil:
My mom was watching it and I was in the room... basically Doctor Phil was like "With Anna Nicole's death the media has been exploiting it and I think its disgusting." Meanwhile, the entire show was devote to her death.
Canada Am:
This morning before school I was watching Canada Am and there was a report on Two teens who got two toddlers high. Firstly, the new reporter kept using slang like "Fat Joint" , "tolking" and "dope". Which I'm like laaaammee.... someone is trying to be cool.
Also what really annoyed me was that the news reporters, a police officer and probably more people said "this is the worst thing that I have ever seen." and Im thinking. FUCK! Get some perspective. Like, open your eyes to the world. Like who has it worse, two kids inhaling drugs or.... I dunno kids in Africa who get subjected to extreme poverty and aids. Or like children sex slaves. Seriously, I hate how our culture seems to be able to disregard terrible things going on in the world, but god forbid our kids get subjected to drugs that young. Anyways... I could rant on and on about this for a long time but I won't put you through that. Instead...
here's a link to something else that really annoys me.
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-gatesx07jan07,0,6827615.story
PS: It's about Bill and Melinda Gates foundation.
Two Reasons:
Doctor Phil:
My mom was watching it and I was in the room... basically Doctor Phil was like "With Anna Nicole's death the media has been exploiting it and I think its disgusting." Meanwhile, the entire show was devote to her death.
Canada Am:
This morning before school I was watching Canada Am and there was a report on Two teens who got two toddlers high. Firstly, the new reporter kept using slang like "Fat Joint" , "tolking" and "dope". Which I'm like laaaammee.... someone is trying to be cool.
Also what really annoyed me was that the news reporters, a police officer and probably more people said "this is the worst thing that I have ever seen." and Im thinking. FUCK! Get some perspective. Like, open your eyes to the world. Like who has it worse, two kids inhaling drugs or.... I dunno kids in Africa who get subjected to extreme poverty and aids. Or like children sex slaves. Seriously, I hate how our culture seems to be able to disregard terrible things going on in the world, but god forbid our kids get subjected to drugs that young. Anyways... I could rant on and on about this for a long time but I won't put you through that. Instead...
here's a link to something else that really annoys me.
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-gatesx07jan07,0,6827615.story
PS: It's about Bill and Melinda Gates foundation.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
More about my brother
My brother, he moved out right.
Which is awwweeesssssooommmeeee!!!
Just because, now I get his old dresser. XD And my current one, my mom got in the 80's and it was old then. It's a ratty piece of shit. Not even kidding.
Ok, but also this story gets sketchy from here on in.
Some of you **may** remember a blog I wrote were I mentioned a conversation I had with my brother and he said he was going to remind me that he likes porn every month. Yeah, shady I know.
So before he moved he was packing all his stuff up (I got a lot of free junk :D) and he calls me over.
There was a box with a bunch of girly mags and he's like "I figured you were due for a reminder" and I was just like "what the fuck, you're such a creeper. Get out of my house, right now."
Moral of the story is.... my brother is ridiculous. Long and the short of it. And he's gone :D
No more drinking all the water,liquor and soda.
Which is awwweeesssssooommmeeee!!!
Just because, now I get his old dresser. XD And my current one, my mom got in the 80's and it was old then. It's a ratty piece of shit. Not even kidding.
Ok, but also this story gets sketchy from here on in.
Some of you **may** remember a blog I wrote were I mentioned a conversation I had with my brother and he said he was going to remind me that he likes porn every month. Yeah, shady I know.
So before he moved he was packing all his stuff up (I got a lot of free junk :D) and he calls me over.
There was a box with a bunch of girly mags and he's like "I figured you were due for a reminder" and I was just like "what the fuck, you're such a creeper. Get out of my house, right now."
Moral of the story is.... my brother is ridiculous. Long and the short of it. And he's gone :D
No more drinking all the water,
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Xian.
So, you know how we have Xmas.... that's because X is the latin symbol for christ (as I understand) sooo..... Christians become Xians. I thought that was cool, and it gave my blog a title.
But now the real blog, some of you may have noticed my shirt today (probably not) but it's like something from some fund raiser called a bible run. I think there is a crucifix and a bible on the back of it.
And I personally don't go to church, don't get me wrong I'm a very spiritual person but I don't think I will find my own salvation by going to church. But I always get such reactions when I wear this shirt that make me ashamed to wear it; like people at school who are into the bible scene occasionally(and sincerely) comment on my shirt like "Oh man, that's so awesome. Where'd you get it?" And one time I was even the target of a beggar because of it. Anyways today at the bank an elderly gentleman commented on the shirt saying how it's nice to see young people getting involved with their church...OMG!
I felt like such a jerk for wearing it. I'm not going to lie to any of you, I had bought it maybe two years ago at value village and I was just like "Oh shit son, this shirt is amazing, and it would be terribly ironic for me to get it, man."
But anyways I feel guilty for wearing it, but at the same time, I like wearing it because its comfy and not atrociously horrible looking.
But now the real blog, some of you may have noticed my shirt today (probably not) but it's like something from some fund raiser called a bible run. I think there is a crucifix and a bible on the back of it.
And I personally don't go to church, don't get me wrong I'm a very spiritual person but I don't think I will find my own salvation by going to church. But I always get such reactions when I wear this shirt that make me ashamed to wear it; like people at school who are into the bible scene occasionally(and sincerely) comment on my shirt like "Oh man, that's so awesome. Where'd you get it?" And one time I was even the target of a beggar because of it. Anyways today at the bank an elderly gentleman commented on the shirt saying how it's nice to see young people getting involved with their church...OMG!
I felt like such a jerk for wearing it. I'm not going to lie to any of you, I had bought it maybe two years ago at value village and I was just like "Oh shit son, this shirt is amazing, and it would be terribly ironic for me to get it, man."
But anyways I feel guilty for wearing it, but at the same time, I like wearing it because its comfy and not atrociously horrible looking.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
So....February
So... what happened to February, I mean I know it's supposed to be the shortest month and all but this is just ridiculous, it just seemed to fly by in a stream of due dates and assignments and frankly I'm glad February is over, it needs to be over because its been a stress filled month and I'm hoping with March and it's spring break I may have some time to relax...
between online chemistry, ISU essay and whatever sadistic projects my teachers will have instore for me then.
Oh also as a side note, one of the few things I did for R&R over February was watch an anime OVA (Original Video animation... they're pilot episode/movie in most cases) and it was dubbed horribly, which is probably because it was dubbed in the early to mid 1990's .... anyways the one line was "Wow! It's not everyday I get to meet ninjas who are also demon slayers." I nearly keeled over at the horribly lame dialogue.
Oh another R&R I did was... I "prowled around K-town" (as a friend of mine would put it) and I ended up at... ASSI which is a Korean/Japanese grocery store... its a triangle of a building.... that was fun.
between online chemistry, ISU essay and whatever sadistic projects my teachers will have instore for me then.
Oh also as a side note, one of the few things I did for R&R over February was watch an anime OVA (Original Video animation... they're pilot episode/movie in most cases) and it was dubbed horribly, which is probably because it was dubbed in the early to mid 1990's .... anyways the one line was "Wow! It's not everyday I get to meet ninjas who are also demon slayers." I nearly keeled over at the horribly lame dialogue.
Oh another R&R I did was... I "prowled around K-town" (as a friend of mine would put it) and I ended up at... ASSI which is a Korean/Japanese grocery store... its a triangle of a building.... that was fun.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Sweet Day
Today, was SUCH a great day. I'm very pleased with it for many reasons and I thought I'd list them:
We got some work done in philosophy(that never happens and my mark really could easily be improved if I did more work;
I got my english presention over with (and I don't think it was too painfully bad);
I got to see this guy who I have had the biggest crush on since the begining of last year (but I was too shy to talk to him, and drama folks.... it isn't Brad Cook.);
I got to take part in some really cool breath excersises in drama class (this was Brad Cook);
I got some more posters and crap from my brother (he's moving out soon);
I am almost done a workable outline for my final ENG essay (I was having such a problem with that);
I found out that the one girl who I worked with and <3 got her job back!!!!!!!
I'm sure there were other things but these are what stand out. ^_^
But on the reverse side I started my online chemistry course.... that system is so confusing, and I have trouble sitting infront of a computer and leaning from reading large blocks of text, and chemistry doesn't come easy for me.
We got some work done in philosophy(that never happens and my mark really could easily be improved if I did more work;
I got my english presention over with (and I don't think it was too painfully bad);
I got to see this guy who I have had the biggest crush on since the begining of last year (but I was too shy to talk to him, and drama folks.... it isn't Brad Cook.);
I got to take part in some really cool breath excersises in drama class (this was Brad Cook);
I got some more posters and crap from my brother (he's moving out soon);
I am almost done a workable outline for my final ENG essay (I was having such a problem with that);
I found out that the one girl who I worked with and <3 got her job back!!!!!!!
I'm sure there were other things but these are what stand out. ^_^
But on the reverse side I started my online chemistry course.... that system is so confusing, and I have trouble sitting infront of a computer and leaning from reading large blocks of text, and chemistry doesn't come easy for me.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Grade 12
So, I thought I'd post on how I'm liking gr 12 so far. And so far I'm liking it; I mean teachers - treating you as equals and with respect. When did that happen? Definitely not in other grades.
And ok, another favourite part of grade 12 is 5th year students, I know it sounds absolutely ridiculous but let me explain. There are a specific few 5th year students who I have class with and am now friends with, or well at least more than acquaintances with, who are now my peers who last year I idolized and had up on a pedestal and saw as godly older kids and now they're my peers and we joke around and have meaningful conversations with where not knowing them as well last year from not having classes with them I would have naturally shyed away from much covnersation. I don't think everyone's grade 12 experience has been quite the same because a lot of this connection of the 5th year students comes from Drama class but it's really quite amazing.
I think that this realization for me is good (not just for me but for people in general) because it like enforces that people are people are people are people irregardless of whether you've put them up on a pedestal in your head or not, so it like can eliminate getting over that stuff in the future. Liiiikkeee...... "wow, you're the district manager, we're not even in the same league, I am afraid to say something stupid so I'll just keep quiet".
I'm not sure if that made any sense but it did in my head so I supose if as the writer I understand what I was trying to communicate that's all that matter. (NOT!)
And ok, another favourite part of grade 12 is 5th year students, I know it sounds absolutely ridiculous but let me explain. There are a specific few 5th year students who I have class with and am now friends with, or well at least more than acquaintances with, who are now my peers who last year I idolized and had up on a pedestal and saw as godly older kids and now they're my peers and we joke around and have meaningful conversations with where not knowing them as well last year from not having classes with them I would have naturally shyed away from much covnersation. I don't think everyone's grade 12 experience has been quite the same because a lot of this connection of the 5th year students comes from Drama class but it's really quite amazing.
I think that this realization for me is good (not just for me but for people in general) because it like enforces that people are people are people are people irregardless of whether you've put them up on a pedestal in your head or not, so it like can eliminate getting over that stuff in the future. Liiiikkeee...... "wow, you're the district manager, we're not even in the same league, I am afraid to say something stupid so I'll just keep quiet".
I'm not sure if that made any sense but it did in my head so I supose if as the writer I understand what I was trying to communicate that's all that matter. (NOT!)
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Boys, Boys, Boys
So this is my blog about boys, why because it can be also because of an encounter I had the other day. But thats for laaaatterrr.....
SO I've decided boy's are like candy. Pretty much awesome, and you can never have enough it (ok maybe eventually) and everyone has a favourite. LOL. Also I mean this is the most non-explicit manner. Also, like candy most boys are bad for you (except apples, nature's candy).
Anyways the encounter that has me thinking about boys happened when I saw a mysterious guy lurking in the halls, and my initial thoughts were "damn, he's cute. But waaaaiittt..... a little old to be a student, and far too young to be a teacher. Anyways maybe hes here from another school and hes one of them fancy city kids who look older." Then he started talking to me, and I won't put in our entire convo but he had a totally mysterious aura to him that was undescribable. Ok I lied, I'll put some of our conversation.
Me: My ride is here. Bye
Him: Wait before you go, what is your name?
Me: Traci
Him: It was nice meeting you Traci
Me: You too, I'm sorry what was your name?
Him: Most people call me Wilson.
Me: Well it was nice meeting you, Wilson.
PS: Boys, like candy if they're really bad for you will go straight to your thighs. LOLz OMG JK.... Don't worry about it ^_~
SO I've decided boy's are like candy. Pretty much awesome, and you can never have enough it (ok maybe eventually) and everyone has a favourite. LOL. Also I mean this is the most non-explicit manner. Also, like candy most boys are bad for you (except apples, nature's candy).
Anyways the encounter that has me thinking about boys happened when I saw a mysterious guy lurking in the halls, and my initial thoughts were "damn, he's cute. But waaaaiittt..... a little old to be a student, and far too young to be a teacher. Anyways maybe hes here from another school and hes one of them fancy city kids who look older." Then he started talking to me, and I won't put in our entire convo but he had a totally mysterious aura to him that was undescribable. Ok I lied, I'll put some of our conversation.
Me: My ride is here. Bye
Him: Wait before you go, what is your name?
Me: Traci
Him: It was nice meeting you Traci
Me: You too, I'm sorry what was your name?
Him: Most people call me Wilson.
Me: Well it was nice meeting you, Wilson.
PS: Boys, like candy if they're really bad for you will go straight to your thighs. LOLz OMG JK.... Don't worry about it ^_~
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Optimistic change?
Ok, so yesterday I was one of the 'lucky' people who got to judge the grade 9 science fair. I felt so brain dead after the fact, all I could do is just stare at the well blankly for the rest of the day. It's not because the projects were bad, but marking them was painful on the brain and after relying on a calculator for years in math and physics doing simple addition proved to be quite the challenge without a calculator, also it was nearly two hole periods of marking them. o_o *twitch*
But to get to the optimistic part of it, nearly all the projects were well done and showed effort, and seriously, a couple of them I don't think I couldv'e done even now. So I was really impressed with that.
Another thing that really impressed me reccently is that last tuesday my friend returned me the game "elebits" and me being the total airhead that I sometimes am forgot t, in a clasrooom for a week, and to my pleasant surprize it was still there a week later. Kudos to you W-O!
But to get to the optimistic part of it, nearly all the projects were well done and showed effort, and seriously, a couple of them I don't think I couldv'e done even now. So I was really impressed with that.
Another thing that really impressed me reccently is that last tuesday my friend returned me the game "elebits" and me being the total airhead that I sometimes am forgot t, in a clasrooom for a week, and to my pleasant surprize it was still there a week later. Kudos to you W-O!
Monday, February 05, 2007
Dreams
I thought I'd post about dreams, and more particularily the one I had.... last night. Dreams are really freaky things. Things happen in dreams and its all so significant but when you try to tell someone about it; they never understand. Dream's are definately a marvel of the brain, and it's so weird how dreams can be linked to deja vu when you're like standing around and you realize that everything you're seeing you've seen in a dream before. Or that atleast happens to me and I know it seems to happen to other people too......
Lucid dreams are insane, I mean I wish I knew that I was dreaming, but I never know its a dream until its over. And I guess a lot of people dream in black and white, I've alway remembered dreaming it color, dreaming in black and white would be soo.... bland.
So last night my dream was an elaborate story or love, decception, betrayal aaaaaaaand.... the oposite of betrayal. I'm not going to even attempt to type out the events because it was filled with plot holes and non-sense. But the basic outline of the dream was like... one of those movies where two people fall in love, one person fucks it up and the shit hits the fan, and then they redeem themselve's and true love conquers all.
Also I find re-occurring dreams to be so interesting. Not sure why....
Lucid dreams are insane, I mean I wish I knew that I was dreaming, but I never know its a dream until its over. And I guess a lot of people dream in black and white, I've alway remembered dreaming it color, dreaming in black and white would be soo.... bland.
So last night my dream was an elaborate story or love, decception, betrayal aaaaaaaand.... the oposite of betrayal. I'm not going to even attempt to type out the events because it was filled with plot holes and non-sense. But the basic outline of the dream was like... one of those movies where two people fall in love, one person fucks it up and the shit hits the fan, and then they redeem themselve's and true love conquers all.
Also I find re-occurring dreams to be so interesting. Not sure why....
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Funny Story
Ok, so this is non fiction story of what actually happened to me last week. Its funny, and I think it will provide further insight into the strange relationship me and my brother have.
My brother had noticed that I really don't know anything about macs (I freaked out when all the programs minimized); so he decided to teach me all the awesome things that mac's can do.
And he was showing me all these features and then he showed me the workstations (if you don't know what they are, its not vital to the story) and then he pointed to the one and hes like "and see I called that one pr0n, where I watch pron so when you or mom walk in the room I can change workstations" and I just freaked out and Im like "Ok, I DID NOT NEED TO HEAR THAT!" and he's like "I watch porn, this isn't the first time you've found out." and disgusted I said to him "gah! I don't need reminders O_O!" and hes like "just for that, I'm going to remind you every month that I like to watch porn."
.... my brother is strange folk.
My brother had noticed that I really don't know anything about macs (I freaked out when all the programs minimized); so he decided to teach me all the awesome things that mac's can do.
And he was showing me all these features and then he showed me the workstations (if you don't know what they are, its not vital to the story) and then he pointed to the one and hes like "and see I called that one pr0n, where I watch pron so when you or mom walk in the room I can change workstations" and I just freaked out and Im like "Ok, I DID NOT NEED TO HEAR THAT!" and he's like "I watch porn, this isn't the first time you've found out." and disgusted I said to him "gah! I don't need reminders O_O!" and hes like "just for that, I'm going to remind you every month that I like to watch porn."
.... my brother is strange folk.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Mechanical Masters
So last week my computer broke, and as a person I have never been happier! Like at first it was really stupid and annoying because if I wanted to get together with friends I'd have to first call them (LAME!) But I have been getting so much stuff done, for example. Last night I:
Did a load of Laundry,
Reorganized the mess of cables behind my tv,
walked my dog,
finished some homework,
and went to bed at a more than respectable time.
It's really awesome, Im ahead on all my school work (except writers craft which is on the computer).
So I challenge you, go a week disobeying you're mechanical master and it'll be sweet.
Also, I have an anecdote.
My mom is always getting on my nerves for not helping with the dishes more often, but I think the dirty dishes in the cupboards speak for themselves :D
Did a load of Laundry,
Reorganized the mess of cables behind my tv,
walked my dog,
finished some homework,
and went to bed at a more than respectable time.
It's really awesome, Im ahead on all my school work (except writers craft which is on the computer).
So I challenge you, go a week disobeying you're mechanical master and it'll be sweet.
Also, I have an anecdote.
My mom is always getting on my nerves for not helping with the dishes more often, but I think the dirty dishes in the cupboards speak for themselves :D
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Blargenjargen, UGH!
So with being sick and it being in the beatiful pre-report card time I have been SCRAMBLING to get homework done and get caught up. It really really bites, because I know the "shit will hit the fan" (for lack of a better term) on Friday, Feburary second. Ok but thats cool and all I used to that kindve stuff happening but what super sucks is that on the weekend my brother had a plug-in fireplace (who knew they existed,eh?) plugged in and it blew a fuse in our wall which in turn burned a fuse or breaker or something. Anyways it would be an easy fix( atleast for computer savvy people like me and my brother) but it will require buying a part, and we are also very cheap people who are stuck living out in the boonies so we have no stores near us even if we were willing to pay the money. The same thing happened with my earring, well sortve. I mean it fell out and I lost it and I haven't been to Kitchener to get a replacement(Like I'd want to pay the money to get a new one anyway So I've been stuck with a straw in my one hole. Kay so now I'm off to do research while I have a computer <3
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Rewind.
I thought I'd take a rewind and talk about a book I read a LONG time ago. Like, in November long ago :)
I was in Chapters in Toronto with a wad of cash burning a hole in my pocket and I was at a "New Author's" stand, and there were a couple choices I found interesting but one that really stood out.
It was a collect of short stories called "Third Class Superhero" This is what it looks like:
And on the back it has a quotation from one of the characters who is saying: "My power,
if you can call it that, is that I am able to take about two gallons of water from moisture in the air and shoot it in a gentle strem or mist."
-Moisture Man
So based of the cover and delectable quotation I was thinking I had a really light enjoyable read ahead of me. I was WRONG. Dead Wrong.
It was an enjoyable read, don't get me wrong. But it wasn't a bunch of short stories about super heroes. As a matter of fact only one story was about super heroes (and super villians) and that was jsut used as symbolism of good and evil.
*spoiler alert* After many years of being unfulfilled as a superhero, moisture man flirts with villiany and although to him it's a huge fall and impact everyone else is just like "You're not the first one to be weak, to be evil. Get over yourself."
Which ended up being rather profound message to me.
See what it ends up being about is how complicated, yet meaningless our lives are. It was a really unique read, and some parts were a tad difficult to get through but overall it was a really good book.
****Being sick update*****
I have strep :) *coughs all over you*
I was in Chapters in Toronto with a wad of cash burning a hole in my pocket and I was at a "New Author's" stand, and there were a couple choices I found interesting but one that really stood out.
It was a collect of short stories called "Third Class Superhero" This is what it looks like:
And on the back it has a quotation from one of the characters who is saying: "My power,
if you can call it that, is that I am able to take about two gallons of water from moisture in the air and shoot it in a gentle strem or mist."
-Moisture Man
So based of the cover and delectable quotation I was thinking I had a really light enjoyable read ahead of me. I was WRONG. Dead Wrong.
It was an enjoyable read, don't get me wrong. But it wasn't a bunch of short stories about super heroes. As a matter of fact only one story was about super heroes (and super villians) and that was jsut used as symbolism of good and evil.
*spoiler alert* After many years of being unfulfilled as a superhero, moisture man flirts with villiany and although to him it's a huge fall and impact everyone else is just like "You're not the first one to be weak, to be evil. Get over yourself."
Which ended up being rather profound message to me.
See what it ends up being about is how complicated, yet meaningless our lives are. It was a really unique read, and some parts were a tad difficult to get through but overall it was a really good book.
****Being sick update*****
I have strep :) *coughs all over you*
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
The Power of V
So today will pretty much go down as the best day in January thus far. This is because of a couple key things and I shall tell you them.
So Sunday I became aware I lost the book I'm doing for my Independant English study. So I searched the house up and down, up and down, up and down and didn't find it. So I concluded it was PROBABLY at school. And the last two places I remember having it was in the Library or in my one class. So I look in the library and looking for a specific non-library book in a library can be difficult. Then I concluded it was not in the Library. So then when I had my class that I had remembered reading it in "the power of V" happened. I'll explain the power of "V" after I show you our conversation.Also Im going to leave the teachers name out of it for their sake.
Me: Have you happened to see a brown novel in here, ummm it's called Timequake?
Teacher:Timequake, eh? That sounds like a Vonnegut novel.
Me: Why yes it is. And I've lost it...
Him: Talks about how much he likes Vonnegut.
Me: Talks about how much I like Vonnegut and how much my life is sucking because I lost the Vonnegut book Im doing for my ISU.
Him: Well, I haven't seen it, but if you arn't able to find your copy I could lend you mine.
Ok now to explain the power of V. V stands for Vonnegut who is like this *awesome* author guy who if mentioned to say.... 20-30% of the adult population some sort've magic in them will spark. Like I have never had a meaningful conversation with this teacher before, and he offered to lend me his copy. How cool is that?
This also isn't the first time the power of V has shone it's light to me. Other times include:
buying Galapagos at Virgin Records in Chicago(store clerk was so pleased with my purchase);
a couple talks I've had about him with the woman who works at the New Hamburg bookstore;
the one time he ended up being the topic of conversation with an older friend and them being like "he is god!"
and the most significant time that power of V has happened was when a young James Spencer stole a copy of "Breakfast of Champions" from his music room after it had been abandoned there for quite some time, which he then passed on to me.
Me and a much older James Spencer (same James, just we've grown up since the discovery) are currently in a very slow race to see who can read all his books first. Although, knowing him he has won and hasn't bothered mentioning it yet.
Ok and well it's passed my bedtime and I still have physics homework to do so the other part of today that made it awesome was work. I got oven "fresh" bread aka frozen bread that has been reheated in the oven. Yum. And me and this one girl were slacking off and we made videos/took pictures of ourselves with paper bag masks.
PS: I've also found my book which adds more to the awesomeness of today.
Peace!
So Sunday I became aware I lost the book I'm doing for my Independant English study. So I searched the house up and down, up and down, up and down and didn't find it. So I concluded it was PROBABLY at school. And the last two places I remember having it was in the Library or in my one class. So I look in the library and looking for a specific non-library book in a library can be difficult. Then I concluded it was not in the Library. So then when I had my class that I had remembered reading it in "the power of V" happened. I'll explain the power of "V" after I show you our conversation.Also Im going to leave the teachers name out of it for their sake.
Me: Have you happened to see a brown novel in here, ummm it's called Timequake?
Teacher:Timequake, eh? That sounds like a Vonnegut novel.
Me: Why yes it is. And I've lost it...
Him: Talks about how much he likes Vonnegut.
Me: Talks about how much I like Vonnegut and how much my life is sucking because I lost the Vonnegut book Im doing for my ISU.
Him: Well, I haven't seen it, but if you arn't able to find your copy I could lend you mine.
Ok now to explain the power of V. V stands for Vonnegut who is like this *awesome* author guy who if mentioned to say.... 20-30% of the adult population some sort've magic in them will spark. Like I have never had a meaningful conversation with this teacher before, and he offered to lend me his copy. How cool is that?
This also isn't the first time the power of V has shone it's light to me. Other times include:
buying Galapagos at Virgin Records in Chicago(store clerk was so pleased with my purchase);
a couple talks I've had about him with the woman who works at the New Hamburg bookstore;
the one time he ended up being the topic of conversation with an older friend and them being like "he is god!"
and the most significant time that power of V has happened was when a young James Spencer stole a copy of "Breakfast of Champions" from his music room after it had been abandoned there for quite some time, which he then passed on to me.
Me and a much older James Spencer (same James, just we've grown up since the discovery) are currently in a very slow race to see who can read all his books first. Although, knowing him he has won and hasn't bothered mentioning it yet.
Ok and well it's passed my bedtime and I still have physics homework to do so the other part of today that made it awesome was work. I got oven "fresh" bread aka frozen bread that has been reheated in the oven. Yum. And me and this one girl were slacking off and we made videos/took pictures of ourselves with paper bag masks.
PS: I've also found my book which adds more to the awesomeness of today.
Peace!
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Story: Analysis
Ok so firstly... I really hate being sick, but I think I'm almost over this half week of this hell.
Also I thought I'd like to revisit my last blog about my story because some people didn't like the ending. And I thought it would be good to clear some things up and explain the logic behind it because it is just an early draft and not everything is there.
Well, firstly it somewhat shows a mirror of mistakes from previous and current government super powers. Firstly with the Nazi's and also with modern day parts of East Asia and the Middle east where the punishments do not fit the crime/ not really even a crime. It shows that even in a society where extreme action is taken to prevent bad things from happening, that there will always be slip-ups. The moment that it had happened to the girl she became an anachronism of that society which I beieve challengers how our society deals with outcasts, are we too hard on them? Not hard enough? That is to say that when the current system fails to protect someones basic human rights who feels the consequences? Sorry if that doesn't quite make a lot of sense.
Also with the girl herself, I'd say her death was very peaceful. Just slipping off into a deep sleep with thoughts of hopscotch and unicorns or some innocent shit like that. And admittenly I didn't present the other possibilty in the story nearly as well as I should've but the negative effects that sexual abuse has on children is undeniable. Particularily as they get older. So with this ending she will never go through a long painful journey, particularily to find out 'why?'. She will never have to deal with having problems as who she is as a person, later on, or need to worry that she could become victim of the 'abuse cycle'. So both options presented it's hard to see why any possible ending would make sense other than her peaceful end.
PS: sorry if that didn't make sense to anyone who didnt read my story I was originally just going to post this as a comment but I figured it would be more likely to be seen as a new blog.
Also I thought I'd like to revisit my last blog about my story because some people didn't like the ending. And I thought it would be good to clear some things up and explain the logic behind it because it is just an early draft and not everything is there.
Well, firstly it somewhat shows a mirror of mistakes from previous and current government super powers. Firstly with the Nazi's and also with modern day parts of East Asia and the Middle east where the punishments do not fit the crime/ not really even a crime. It shows that even in a society where extreme action is taken to prevent bad things from happening, that there will always be slip-ups. The moment that it had happened to the girl she became an anachronism of that society which I beieve challengers how our society deals with outcasts, are we too hard on them? Not hard enough? That is to say that when the current system fails to protect someones basic human rights who feels the consequences? Sorry if that doesn't quite make a lot of sense.
Also with the girl herself, I'd say her death was very peaceful. Just slipping off into a deep sleep with thoughts of hopscotch and unicorns or some innocent shit like that. And admittenly I didn't present the other possibilty in the story nearly as well as I should've but the negative effects that sexual abuse has on children is undeniable. Particularily as they get older. So with this ending she will never go through a long painful journey, particularily to find out 'why?'. She will never have to deal with having problems as who she is as a person, later on, or need to worry that she could become victim of the 'abuse cycle'. So both options presented it's hard to see why any possible ending would make sense other than her peaceful end.
PS: sorry if that didn't make sense to anyone who didnt read my story I was originally just going to post this as a comment but I figured it would be more likely to be seen as a new blog.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Story...
This is a short story I wrote a while back. Its not polished... and it's a bit dark and a bit smutty.
I apologize for that.
Also if any of you read the other story I posted it deals with the innocence of youth in a soft sci-fi manner; this one does as well.
It was a typical day in the year 20XX, crime was hardly ever heard of. No vulgarities or indecencies to speak of, everything was fine. Why? One might ask, it is simple the current government had learned an important lesson from the past, and that was 'if there is anyone you don't like or is causing you trouble – gas them. Thusly crime, and such other vulgarities were unheard of.
Growing up in this day and age was much simpler for children, now that crime was gone. Also much safer for the most part. Alice was your typical seven year old. Quite a natural beauty with golden curls atop her head. With big green eyes, and in her blue dress, white socks, white undershirt, white socks and black shoes no one could resist her. Including Alice's father who was unable to resist her on more than one occasion. Her white panties, hanging from the best post served as a flag declaring surrender to those wishing to conquer new land.
Living in a day and age when such crimes were unheard of Alice had no reason to believe anything was wrong. She assumed it was normal, however she did not like this.
One day, while playing with dolls with her mother, Alice reenacted these actions with the dolls. For reasons unknown to Alice her mother got very upset.
“Why did you do that? Has he ever done anything like that to you?” were two of many of her questions. Alice, not knowing what lying was answered every question truthfully and honestly to the best of her ability.
Alice's mother did not know what to do, or where to go. Unlike Alice he knew what he was doing is wrong. She decided the best course of action was to inform the police, and get Alice's father out of their lives. There was a problem however, pedophilia, rape, incest, divorce.... these were all vulgarities, problems from the early 20th century the government had worked on eliminating. She rationalized that since Alice was young, she could be taught to forget, so Alice would not be gassed. Alice would also need someone to take care of her, so she would be saved. Alice's father, she was sure he would not be spared. She did not really care, on the basis of their marriage was a sham and they had never been in love. Arranged marriages, another government idea.
Single parents in this day and age were rarely unheard of, but Alice's mother was positive they must exist. She phoned the local authorities.
They arrested Alice's father for holding right away, such vulgar people should not be on the streets. The next day a kind looking police office came back to Alice's house to speak with Alice and her mother. When Alice, not knowing what lying was, confirmed the story the police gave a cue on his phone to have Alice's father gassed.
The police officer then told Alice to go away and play. Not knowing was disobedience was Alice did as he told.
“This must be very difficult for you,” the police offered kind words to Alice's mother.
“I can't believe what horrible deeds went on and under my roof,” Alice's mother said, in quite a disbelief.
“My department and I will need to further discuss this, but I think Alice might be a gassing case,” he said, averting eye contact.
Alice's mother's eyes narrowed and she paused as if lost for words, “why, my baby didn't do anything wrong.”
“I know, and it's always hard to see your child die but,” in was now the officer's turn to pause. Alice meanwhile was playing dolls again.
The officer swallowed, “things like this affect children greatly. You cannot make her forget about it, and the truth of the matter is often times girls who have this happen will be unable to live successful lives.”
“What do you mean?” Alice's mother asked.
“In the early 20th century when, these indecencies were rampant. Often time children who were involved in these activities ended up committing crime, usually in the sex trade,” he handed her a pamphlet containing statistics.
There it was, all the facts. Cold, hard undeniable evidence.
The officer then put his hand comfortingly on Alice's mother's hand looked her in the eyes and said, “It's not for sure yet. Alice could be one of the lucky few who gets overlooked, but you need to ask yourself, would you rather your daughter die comfortably and innocently now or in a few years after knowing how her innocence was taken from her?
He then stood up and began to walk away.
“I've decided,” Alice's mother called to the officer, “I'd rather she die peacefully now. Just let us have one more night together, as mother and daughter.”
“I'll be here tomorrow at nine,” the officer said then he left.
That night Alice and her mother baked cookies, played dolls and watched movies until the late hours of the night. Alice wasn't sure why her mother looked as though she was about to uneasy. Alice began to worry, but her worrying came to an end when her mother woke her up at 8:30am the next day.
The officer was there in a government car the next morning at nine as promised. Alice and her mother went inside the car, Alice was still sleepy from their late night.
They arrived at the government building, it had a clean, sterile coldness to it. Alice told her mother it reminded her of the doctors.
They came to this one room, with a window looking into a smaller room. They asked Alice if she would go with them into the smaller room without her mother. Alice had no reason not to trust them, but she didn't want to, she held on tightly to her mother.
Alice's mother held her back, but after a few moments of hugging each other Alice's mother told Alice she had to go into the small room.
The first thing they did to Alice was strap her to a bed in the smaller room, she began to struggle. But after feeling a prick in her leg she began to calm down. There was a doctor in the smaller room with Alice, he was very nice. He told her that she was going on a vacation of sorts, but it wasn't somewhere you could get to by going on an airplane.
Alice looked into the window and saw that her mother was crying.
“Why is my mommy crying?” she asked, feeling very calm.
“Don't worry young one, she is simply upset that she doesn't get to go on the trip with you,” he told Alice, while strapping a surgical mask that was attached to a tube onto her.
“Now do you know how to count to 100, little one?” he asked, as he placed his index and middle finger on Alice's neck.
“Yeah,” Alice said, although she felt the question to be off topic.
“Could you do it for me?” he asked warmly.
Alice, not knowing what disobedience was did as she was told.
100... 99....98.....97.......96........
I apologize for that.
Also if any of you read the other story I posted it deals with the innocence of youth in a soft sci-fi manner; this one does as well.
It was a typical day in the year 20XX, crime was hardly ever heard of. No vulgarities or indecencies to speak of, everything was fine. Why? One might ask, it is simple the current government had learned an important lesson from the past, and that was 'if there is anyone you don't like or is causing you trouble – gas them. Thusly crime, and such other vulgarities were unheard of.
Growing up in this day and age was much simpler for children, now that crime was gone. Also much safer for the most part. Alice was your typical seven year old. Quite a natural beauty with golden curls atop her head. With big green eyes, and in her blue dress, white socks, white undershirt, white socks and black shoes no one could resist her. Including Alice's father who was unable to resist her on more than one occasion. Her white panties, hanging from the best post served as a flag declaring surrender to those wishing to conquer new land.
Living in a day and age when such crimes were unheard of Alice had no reason to believe anything was wrong. She assumed it was normal, however she did not like this.
One day, while playing with dolls with her mother, Alice reenacted these actions with the dolls. For reasons unknown to Alice her mother got very upset.
“Why did you do that? Has he ever done anything like that to you?” were two of many of her questions. Alice, not knowing what lying was answered every question truthfully and honestly to the best of her ability.
Alice's mother did not know what to do, or where to go. Unlike Alice he knew what he was doing is wrong. She decided the best course of action was to inform the police, and get Alice's father out of their lives. There was a problem however, pedophilia, rape, incest, divorce.... these were all vulgarities, problems from the early 20th century the government had worked on eliminating. She rationalized that since Alice was young, she could be taught to forget, so Alice would not be gassed. Alice would also need someone to take care of her, so she would be saved. Alice's father, she was sure he would not be spared. She did not really care, on the basis of their marriage was a sham and they had never been in love. Arranged marriages, another government idea.
Single parents in this day and age were rarely unheard of, but Alice's mother was positive they must exist. She phoned the local authorities.
They arrested Alice's father for holding right away, such vulgar people should not be on the streets. The next day a kind looking police office came back to Alice's house to speak with Alice and her mother. When Alice, not knowing what lying was, confirmed the story the police gave a cue on his phone to have Alice's father gassed.
The police officer then told Alice to go away and play. Not knowing was disobedience was Alice did as he told.
“This must be very difficult for you,” the police offered kind words to Alice's mother.
“I can't believe what horrible deeds went on and under my roof,” Alice's mother said, in quite a disbelief.
“My department and I will need to further discuss this, but I think Alice might be a gassing case,” he said, averting eye contact.
Alice's mother's eyes narrowed and she paused as if lost for words, “why, my baby didn't do anything wrong.”
“I know, and it's always hard to see your child die but,” in was now the officer's turn to pause. Alice meanwhile was playing dolls again.
The officer swallowed, “things like this affect children greatly. You cannot make her forget about it, and the truth of the matter is often times girls who have this happen will be unable to live successful lives.”
“What do you mean?” Alice's mother asked.
“In the early 20th century when, these indecencies were rampant. Often time children who were involved in these activities ended up committing crime, usually in the sex trade,” he handed her a pamphlet containing statistics.
There it was, all the facts. Cold, hard undeniable evidence.
The officer then put his hand comfortingly on Alice's mother's hand looked her in the eyes and said, “It's not for sure yet. Alice could be one of the lucky few who gets overlooked, but you need to ask yourself, would you rather your daughter die comfortably and innocently now or in a few years after knowing how her innocence was taken from her?
He then stood up and began to walk away.
“I've decided,” Alice's mother called to the officer, “I'd rather she die peacefully now. Just let us have one more night together, as mother and daughter.”
“I'll be here tomorrow at nine,” the officer said then he left.
That night Alice and her mother baked cookies, played dolls and watched movies until the late hours of the night. Alice wasn't sure why her mother looked as though she was about to uneasy. Alice began to worry, but her worrying came to an end when her mother woke her up at 8:30am the next day.
The officer was there in a government car the next morning at nine as promised. Alice and her mother went inside the car, Alice was still sleepy from their late night.
They arrived at the government building, it had a clean, sterile coldness to it. Alice told her mother it reminded her of the doctors.
They came to this one room, with a window looking into a smaller room. They asked Alice if she would go with them into the smaller room without her mother. Alice had no reason not to trust them, but she didn't want to, she held on tightly to her mother.
Alice's mother held her back, but after a few moments of hugging each other Alice's mother told Alice she had to go into the small room.
The first thing they did to Alice was strap her to a bed in the smaller room, she began to struggle. But after feeling a prick in her leg she began to calm down. There was a doctor in the smaller room with Alice, he was very nice. He told her that she was going on a vacation of sorts, but it wasn't somewhere you could get to by going on an airplane.
Alice looked into the window and saw that her mother was crying.
“Why is my mommy crying?” she asked, feeling very calm.
“Don't worry young one, she is simply upset that she doesn't get to go on the trip with you,” he told Alice, while strapping a surgical mask that was attached to a tube onto her.
“Now do you know how to count to 100, little one?” he asked, as he placed his index and middle finger on Alice's neck.
“Yeah,” Alice said, although she felt the question to be off topic.
“Could you do it for me?” he asked warmly.
Alice, not knowing what disobedience was did as she was told.
100... 99....98.....97.......96........
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