Doll Parts: Part 2

This is continued from part 1 which was 2 blogs ago.

I continued my day, sat at my desk: sometimes working; sometimes pretending to work but mostly not even bothering to try. Time ticked by and it was eventually time to go home.
Home. When I returned home, I put my now clean sheets into the dryer. I then flipped my mattress, grabbed my pillow and crashed on the bed. Today had worn me out so much, I just wanted to lie down, to sleep, to dream, to no longer be here. Then tears began to stream down my face, my much hated alternative. I had completely crashed, no warmth, no comfort for me tonight.
I think I loved her, and I'm sure she loved me. No, wait, I mean I know I loved her. Why am I even thinking this, there is no argument of whether we loved each other. We were married, we were together for sixteen, no.... seventeen years, and in that time there had to have been good times, joyful, tender loving moments. Then how come all I can remember are the I was unfaithful or the times I was short-tempered with her. I loved her so much, but I couldn't express it. Still, it couldn't have been that bad for her, why would she have stayed? Who am I kidding, I'm a horrible person and I must've made her life miserable. She was a saint, an angel for putting up with me for as long as she did. She was too good for me, too good for this world. I never should have allowed her to get close to me. I needed her love, but I didn't deserve it so she was taken away from me. I just wish she wasn't the one who had to suffer my abuse, that she didn't have to pay the ultimate price for loving one so undeserving.
My angel no longer hides. She stands before me; her innocent beauty untouched by time. She no longer smiles at me, just gazing, leering down at the pathetic creature I've become.
Please take me with you.
She shakes her head and looks at me disapprovingly and then vanishes. She leaves me again. Please don't leave, I can't do this without you.
Again I wake up to the blaring sound of an alarm, I get up and go to work. My week continues this way, I continue to live my life. I go to work, sometimes there on time, mostly not. Nothing of interest, just waiting. Waiting for Saturday.
Then Saturday comes and I didn't care, or at least I did not want to care. But I just keep thinking about all that has happened in the past few years and I feel so sick that I can hardly stand. Just seeing anyone else, anyone but her just doesn't feel right. I take a quick drink to calm my nerves, then look at the clock. Quarter to six.
Just fifteen minutes. I just need to get through fifteen minutes, if I can get through this then the worst will have passed. I begin to pace in my front corridor; how could I betray you like this? Forgive me, please. Not for my actions but for my intent.
My angel creeps from the shadows- watching me, judging me. She has this hurt angered look in her eyes. Please don't be too mad with me, please you must understand. I didn't want this! My angel, disgusted with me leaves. Fine! Go, I never loved you anyway. I don't need you.
Joseph's car pulled up to my drive way at that instant, and time stood still. I could hear my heart beating in my chest and throughout my entire entity. Go away, just please drive away and never come back. Come back, my darling angel come back and make them go away.
Honk, honk. The sound of the car horn taunts me like the allure of the sirens; filling me with fear and wonder. I slowly reach for my door's handle. I twist it and my heart stops. I pull the door open and I stand at my doorway, standing at the half way point.
I take a deep breath, “Don't worry this will soon be over and Joe will be able to be proud of himself or whatever for doing what he thinks is in my best interest.”